I think about Frida all the time. She complained about how hard it was for her to maintain a painting schedule. She was hard on herself, chalking it up to laziness, but I think a lot of it was connected to her pain. I've read about those with chronic pain who struggle with the same issue. And now, I find myself in a similar situation. I usually don't have any problem waking up and getting to my computer to write. In fact, I look forward to it. Since I've been sick, I wake up and dread sitting down at my computer because I feel lethargic. Sitting at the computer takes too much energy. Instead, I lie down on the couch and sip my tea. Physically this feels great, but emotionally/creatively it feels terrible because I want to write. Today was the first day I felt strong enough to sit down and write. I can't tell you how glorious it feels to be writing these words. I just hope today is a transition into an upward cycle, but I'm cautiously optimistic. I've felt fairly healthy for a couple of hours previously, yet it didn't last. This reminds me of what I've read about chronic illness. You end up in a physical/emotional loop that keeps circling round and round.
I can see from some of Frida's letters that she was caught in this loop, but I think the fact that she persevered and pushed herself as an artist is a testament to her brilliance and strong will.
© Celia S. Stahr 2015